Have you ever been singled out and rejected? This is one of the most traumatic psychological experiences an individual can experience, no matter whether it concerns social, or romantic, or any other type of rejection.

Because of the social nature of humans, we tend to have an intrinsic, basic need of belonging – to a society, group, family, friendship or a relationship. Actually, some psychologists even suggest that belonging is one of the fundamental motivators for human behavior. Dr. Abraham Maslow 's article "A Theory of Human Motivation " places the feeling of belonging in advance of such human motivators as recognition, status, self respect, and the quest for truth, justice and wisdom. Rejection often results into an inability to reach self-actualization, exactly because it hurts the feeling of self-esteem and leads to feelings of insecurity and fear of future rejection. Depending on the type of society, social needs may come even before needs for security and safety.

However, simple contact or social interactions with others are not enough to fulfill the need of belonging. It is mostly fed by meaningful, caring interpersonal relationships. Belonging is an integral part of the self-concept of a person, together with the physical self, character and existential awareness of the human being. Any form of rejection has psychological implications, most often resulting in loneliness, low self-esteem, aggression, and depression; and the so-called rejection sensitivity, a term defined by Karen Horney, and associated with neuroticism.

Based on all of these facts, the only way to deal with the consequences of rejection is to analyze the degree to which you can create your own happiness, and improve it. Reach out and practice, practice, practice. Your ability to interact, your ability to form meaningful friendships, your ability to express yourself, create and empower, your influence on others, your high self-esteem. The worst is to believe “you deserve it,” and internalize that pain. Most of the time, rejection is a symptom of a problem experienced by the “rejector” and not by the “rejectee”. So, don’t pity yourself. Become a stronger person, and deal with it.

I have recently come to realize the extent to which I am being affected, following a most unexpected rejection by a very close friend. Without realizing it, I have tried to cope with it by a variety of methods I use to cope with any signs of bad humor – going out, meeting people, boosting my hobbies, being and feeling prettier. Though a step in the right direction, the most healing approach would be not to shy from forming deep and intimate connections with other people, in fear of being rejected again, but to begin to seek new ones pro-actively. There is no better way to treat a traumatic experience, than head-on throwing yourself at the risk to repeatedly experience it, and as a result, overcome it.